Hey, do you wanna feel so energetic? Try Powerthirst. Energy drinks for people who need gratuitous amounts of energy. With all new flavors like Shockolate. Shockolate energy, it’s like adding chocolate to an electrical storm. Sound the alarm, you’re gonna be uncomfortably energetic.
What’s that? You want strawberry? Well how about Rawberry? Made with lightning, real lightning. Sports (aaahhhhhh!). You’ll be good at them. It’s an energy drink for men. Menergy. These aren’t your dad’s puns, these are energy puns. Turbopuns.
Science, energy, science, energy, electrolyes, turbolytes, powerlytes, more lights than your body has room for. You’ll be so fast, mother nature will be like, “Sloooooowwww dooowwwwnn.” And you’ll be like, “Fuck you!” and kick her in the face with your energy legs.
You’ll have so much energy, energy (aaaahhhhh!) just running all the time. Power running, power lifting, power sweeping, power dating, power eating, power laughing, power spawning babies. You’ll have so many babies. 400 babies.
Give Shockolate to your babies and they’ll be good at sports. Make your babies run abnormally fast. They’ll run as fast as Kenyans. People will watch them running and think they’re Kenyans. They’ll race as fast as Kenyans, in a race with actual Kenyans, and it’ll be a tie, and they’ll get deported back to Kenya.
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